S.O.B... This Could Get Ugly, Real Fast (Cruise conclusion)

If you have never been on a cruise before, there is one really ugly part of it that I dread every time I go; the good part the casino, the bars, the late night clubs have no way of preparing you for the debarkation the morning you return.

I think I may have managed to grab two hours sleep, at best and I was up stuffing things into my suitcase while listening to the stern warnings to leave our suites and gather at a predesignated area to wait until the cruise line decides to let us off the ship.

So Kimberly, Miranda, Brendan, Mary and I walked like we were straight out of the Walking Dead until we found our own little corner of hell and sat on our suitcases and waited for orders.

Except if I knew how the rest of the day would go I would have relished the peace.

After about an hour we got the “all clear” to leave the ship. Since Miranda and Brendan had drove down to Florida by themselves they had plans to go straight home after the cruise while Kim, Mary and I had plans to spend 4 days in Tampa and Orlando.

Kids being kids, once the order was given, they were gone. The old folks kind of lingered with the “no rush” attitude; in fact we were at the back of the line.

By the time we got to the final cruise line check point we had woken up just enough to begin some resemblance of a conversation. “I cannot wait to get to the hotel room.” Kim moaned.

“Yeah, well you should have went to bed a little earlier.” Mary snapped back, “You kept me awake packing, going back and forth to the bathroom. I don’t want to hear it.”

They continued to mumble as the cruise line scanned their tickets. “Thank God.” Mary said as she was passed security.

I was waiting for the same sort of relief but when the security agent scanned my ticket, instead of letting me through, he used his radio to talk to another agent using what I can only imagine as a foreign language based in numbers.

“I am sorry, sir.” He said before looking up, “Um, ma'am, they need to see you in the lobby.

Before I had a chance to say anything Kim interrupted. “We are going to the car, mom can’t stand any longer. We will be out front.”

I wanted to say wait, hold on, but… I didn’t so I really do not have a right to complain. But yeah, I was pissed beyond words until I found out what the problem was. You see, my credit card company had issued me a new credit card with a chip in it and the problem was I never saw it and it just happened to be the same credit card I used for funding my trip.

“Here use this one.” I snapped. Okay so it wasn’t the cruise line’s fault but I still felt like they were treating me like a criminal.

After the bill was settled, I gathered up my stuff and proceeded to disembark the ship (again) The good news…there was NO OTHER PASSENGERS LEFT ON BOARD and I made good time getting passed security and into customs.

What impressed me the most was how fast customs was cleared of luggage; boy when people want to get out of dodge they really move. What I was not impressed with was the fact I had no Idea if Kim and picked up the rest of my luggage and match that with the HUGE sign hanging near the exit. “You are not permitted to reenter building once you exit customs.”

Oh yeah, no cell phone signal either. I tried calling Kim and Mary about 50 times before giving up and proceeding to the exit. “Passport and driver’s license.” The customs agent said and by the way he sounded, he had to get up early also.

“I am afraid to leave, I don’t know if my wife picked up my luggage or not, we got separated and…” I began to explain.

“PASSPORT AND DRIVER’S LICENCE.” He forcefully Interrupted.

I handed the agent my ID’s and he briefly glanced over them before matching the actions of the encounter I had on the ship. Yep, he used his radio to call security.

“Is there a problem, sir?” I said rather meekly.

“Well, here is the thing, both your driver’s license and passport both say male and, well, you are clearly not male.” He responded in a matter-of-fact way. “You will need to go with security.” Have you have ever had an awesome comment that made you extremely angry at the same time? Especially knowing that you should restrain yourself to keep from making a bad situation worse? “Really?” I responded. “No makeup, I haven’t shaved, really, that’s all you see.” (that was the best restraint I could muster.

I thought worse comes to worse I could just drop my pants, that’d show em’.

Just as I felt my face boil from embarrassment security showed up. I was lucky; one agent holdover from the previous shift informed my customs officer that there in fact, was a transgender group on my shift and that I was okay.

“Hmm.” I groaned when I realized I wasn’t going to get an apology.

“Look, kid.” (Kid really?) “You should really get documents that match what you look like, this could have gotten really ugly, really quick.”

#Kim #Miranda #Brendan #Identification #Mary #Cruise