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I have never met someone with such…thoughts of magical wonder. I know sometimes I make fun of your wood fairies and gnomes but…
Kim I know you overhear me talking about friends that are the best and the smartest. I know you hear me thank countless people for saving my life and then you hold my hand. You never cease to tell me how wonderful your life is and how you wouldn’t change a thing.
I do not kid myself; I know our path is a difficult road to travel; most don’t make it, most don’t even try but sometimes I look in your eyes and see that somehow you have it all figured out, even after all this time, after the manipulation, after the lies.
I know I am well intentioned; I know that my lies were caused by the lies I told myself but it doesn’t change the fact that I let both of us down. I am also fully aware that any less of a woman would have let me go. But you… Your soul stood by me. I am yours and you do not deserve my failings, just like everyone else that has stood by me through my selfishness.
I wish you could feel through my eyes, you would feel gratitude and pure love. Among many other things you defend me even if it costs you your heart, your friends, your world. Kimberly, if you could feel through my eyes you would feel a brightness that no one else in the world has.
I owe you everything I have and what I would have for many lifetimes to follow.
When we both discovered I was a woman life changed. When you told me you weren’t gay… I could feel your womanhood being stripped from you; that was when you saw what my deception had done to your life and what you had lost.
Kimberly that is why I was never happier that you found someone that you could love, like the way you wanted to love me. And that is the reason I risked everything to look you in your eyes and tell you I was not gay either. I always, from the moment I was born, liked men. You do not know how badly, how desperately I wanted to hold you in my arms and make love to you the way you needed to be loved. I couldn’t, no matter how much my heart was driven. I wanted you to know it was not your beauty or your soul that caused me to fail, it was my nature and I am so sorry.
And you kissed me and loved me the only way you could…
So you stayed strong through what you thought was a loveless marriage, through deceit, through years of manipulation and somehow you kept me strong in the process.
Do you realize how special that makes you?
You did what no other person could ever do, just like all the people I have surrounding me but to a much greater degree.
So when I say Marcie or Tony is my best friend ever or how Jamie is so smart or overhear me telling someone that they saved my life, please know that it is the truth but, at the same time understand that you are that and so much more. See, there are no words I could say to describe what you are to me.
You are my soulmate, you are my partner, you are my soul and you have saved my life more times than anyone could ever count.
My dearest Kimberly, you are my soul.
No words, no pictures, no poison, no violence could ever tarnish that beautiful, magical soul.
So I might make fun of your magical wood elf or sprites but if I had one wish in life I would ask that you never lose that. I admire that about you above all else.
Please forgive me for taking everything from you and giving nothing in return. You, my sweet, sweet wife are my everything (Yes even though sex with a woman will always creep me out a bit) Still, I will always be there for you no matter where our road takes us.
Forever
Signed your very admiring wife.
Happy Birthday and a Merry Christmas.
Kendra Chelsea
