The most amazing, sexy, gentleman ever; Damn shame too.

The drive home from Florida was peaceful, Mary and Kim slept most of the way and I had a chance for some long overdue self-reflection. Along the way I realized I no longer knew much about myself anymore. The only thing I did know, and was sure of was, I was transgender.

Normally after a vacation of this magnitude was finished things would go back to normal. I would get a chance to relax, watch television, play with my cat but things were different. The thought of turning on the television was just… tedious.

Well, I wasn’t home five minutes before Paul called looking to shore up his trip to the DC area. I smiled when I heard his voice; I really looked up to him, he was everything I thought a transgender person should be but when He said he was coming down the following weekend I was a bit shocked.

“That’s pretty quick there guy.” I remarked in a laid back tone.

“Yeah well, I think we hit it off on the ship, is that too soon?”

“Um, well, no, of course not. I was just thinking of my upcoming schedule. I have my first therapist appointment Friday, I have a follow-up appointment with my doctor but that’s not until the following Monday. I am good, I can’t wait to see you.”

There I was, Christmas a little over a month away and I was looking at a calendar and checking to see if I was free. I had to laugh because six months previous, the only thing I was looking forward to was watching the season finale of the Big Bang Theory.

And then Friday came. Thursday night I remember going over everything I wanted to tell my new therapist. I remember not being able to sleep and my mind racing a million miles a minute. The last thing I remember before checking into Whitman Walker was thinking “This guy will have his hands full.”

I had no idea that I was in for the bigger challenge. While I waited for Todd, my therapist to call me into his office; I watched the other patients be called by their doctor and when my time for my name to be called I noticed something a little different, Todd actually came out to where I was sitting, waited patiently as I gathered my things, escorted me to the main door, opened it and directed me to his office. First impression, “What a gentleman.”

He introduced himself and before he finished talking all I could think about was how hot he was, yep, just my luck, the first guy I was attracted to since beginning transition was off the table, ugh

Basically, I could go on forever about him but it really doesn’t make a difference since, well, he’s my therapist.

We did this little evaluation thingy about what my biggest concerns were, number one, I wanted to meet other people that were like me, people in our area. The other thing that was nagging at me was; how good I had it, never lost family, never lost friends and no one ever gave me a hard time once I began transitioning and I wanted to help other people, pay it forward so to speak.

He asked if I was living full time as a woman. God it was so easy to talk to him. “All the time…Except at work and at my mom’s house. And really, I have worked there 20 some years, I can finish out as Ken until I retire.” I responded, believing every word I said, just like when I told my wife I was “just a cross-dresser” when we met; just like I said “Of course I like women.” However, I think I wanted to believe it more than I actually did.

I am not sure how, but even as I did most of the talking, I came to a much better understanding of who I was and what I needed to do.

In fact, on my way home from the doctor’s office I started thinking about being detained in customs and how security responded by saying “This could have gotten real ugly, real quick.” That was the very instant I decided what I needed to do next. Monday morning, I would get up early and make a day of it at the county court house.

I would change my name and kill off Ken once and for all.

#Todd #work #therapy #cruise #paul #namechange #friends