Making Kendra Chelsea or Oh Todd... (Part 1 of 7)

The good thing about hitting rock bottom was, well, you know the saying. I spent the week coming to terms with how difficult was is to be transgender. No not difficult as in being out or in public as a woman, that is a piece of cake.

I mean difficult as in, you are an inbetweener, as in you are not yet a complete woman and neither are you a man any longer. For me I was never able to be with gay men, gay men always treated me like another gay man and well, I am a woman and straight men are not easily tempted into a relationship with a transgender girl.

So I was sad but starting to accept that I might not get friends and might not ever have a relationship and coming to terms with that was made easier when I started to remember, I have everything I have ever dreamed of and my family was happy for me.

My appointment with my Adonis, man therapist was really not going to help me come to terms with being satisfied with being alone.

“So how was your week” Todd asked with his smooth, comforting smile, like always

“It was good, really.” I responded without looking into his eyes, I really didn’t need to be distracted.

“Anything interesting happen?”

“Paul and I are done, but I told you that was probably going to be the case, but I am okay really. I think it was for the better. I started thinking how lucky I was, how my family is so supportive, a lot of girls never have that. I was thinking I would like to help, maybe volunteer do something for the trans community.”

“I think that’s a great idea. Have you thought about your job? Are you still planning on staying Ken until you retire?” He asked, obviously changing the subject.

“I talked to Human Resources, I got the court order for my name change back and it was approved. I am officially Kendra Chelsea-yeah. So, anyway, I had to talk to human resources and payroll but I told my office I had changed my name middle name to Conner because I wanted to be known as KC. So no, I am not going there with work. You have no idea how, well “old-school, conservative” my co-worker is. My job site would be intolerable if I came out.”

“From what you tell me, Mack kind of relies on you for a lot, you might be his only friend, I think you need to give him more credit than that.” Todd replied in a very matter-of-fact tone.

“Hmm, so maybe you aren’t as smart and good-looking as I thought.” I said to myself before answering, “Trust me no, not going to happen, never in a million years.”

“You were really down last week about not really having another transgender friend are you still struggling with that?”

I didn’t immediately respond, instead I thought about how I came to terms with just “being happy.” Then I smiled, “I am very okay. I was dancing in my car before our appointment.”

And I was okay, yeah, transgender dating is tough, shaving your entire body is tough, making sure you have the right shoes with right outfit is tough but I have family, I am accepted, friends or not I was happy. “Good, it’s really good to hear.”

“I am…” I began then started having second thoughts about bringing it up but continued anyway, “Going to Town Saturday, going alone actually. I think my family is kind of tired escorting me everywhere”

“Good for you, that’s a big step, are you nervous?” Todd asked.

“Not really, I have been there before, really I think my only problem will be not having a social crutch to fall back on. If I am not having fun then, well I have no one to talk to. Guess if that happens I will just call an Uber and go home. Honestly though, I think I will be just happy dancing, even if I have to dance by myself.” I responded.

“Sounds like you have a lot of things planned, are you still going to the finals at Freddie’s Sunday?”

“I am, then going to the Social Security office on Monday, MVA on Tuesday, then Vital Statistics on Thursday, I am booked solid.” “You have a lot planned, don’t overdo it.” Todd said.

“Which reminds me, I need you to sign this for Vital Statistics so I can change my name and gender on my birth certificate. Dr. Struthers already gave me my forms for my driver’s license and Social Security.”

“Oh, ah, I thought you needed a court order for your birth certificate? They have a form?” To my surprise Todd seemed a bit confused as he took the paper from my hand.

“Yep, it’s funny, they changed the law at the beginning of the year and it’s the easiest document to change. I just need one signature, from my therapist. I think the MVA made it easier too, I don’t think I need to submit my paperwork to the medical review board anymore, just go straight to the local office with my name change form and new social security card.”

“It looks like Maryland is on top of things now.” He said as he gave me back the form after he signed it. (So I was back to thinking he was hot again. Damn this was going to make therapy a little more difficult than it should be.

Why are all the hot guys either totally straight or my therapist? Oh well, this too will pass.

I danced on my way back to my car, danced to Rusted Root’s “Send me on my way.” In my car as I rushed home to change for work.

I laughed at Todd as I quickly wiped off my makeup and threw on a football jersey and scooted out the door, “This changing back and forth isn’t that difficult, I have been doing it for 5 months now, just takes practice.”

When I walked into the office my boss (one of the very few that I had confided in about me being transgender pulled me aside. “Did you mean to come to work with lipstick?” She whispered.

“Wait, what?” I said both shocked and pissed at myself as I quickly excused myself to the restroom to make myself Ken again.

“Really, I have to pay closer attention that was stupid, stupid, stupid.” I growled as I wiped the rest of my make up off before going back to work.

#Todd #Kendra #Identification #work #therapy #Mack