Kendra Brutally Reviews Kendra

Yes you read that right; presented for you for your pleasure, some highly critical, often brutal assessment of, well me.

It would be impossible to review Kendra without at least touching on Kenneth so… Let’s begin there, shall we.

As a young child Kenneth was weak, feminine boy, he was actually happy-go-lucky and really loved everyone, at least until he began to progress through elementary school, when kids became vicious. He would rarely go the day without being teased or punched. So yes, other kids beat the happy out of me. But the kind was always there.

It was not until I entered middle school that things became complicated. Actually the time frame would be more accurate to say, “When I understood there was a difference between boys and girls.”

It was then people began to notice I was different and my very, southern Baptist mother attempted to pray me normal, sit in the front row of the church and explain why being normal would be the only way God would love me.

And as far is she was concerned, it worked. I started playing football, stopped doing girl things and eventually dedicated my life to chasing girls, yea, eventually the quest to be normal made me a womanizer or player you could say.

Kenneth became emotionless, playing the part, doing everything people expected of me without regards to his own best interest or his secret, buried desires. This very attitude pushed him into the Air Force. I was man and no one could prove different.

By the time I hit middle age I was a hardened asshole who cared only about himself; yet somewhere at his core he had a soft spot. A soft spot Kimberly would eventually bring to the surface.

In addition to his assholery, he had become terrified of growing older. I believe it was a combination of a lot things but regardless, this is the one trait Kendra would take with her when Kenneth finally faded away.

Enter Kendra. I found that finally telling the truth was both freeing and addicting. I love my wife, I really do no matter how it appears to the outside world and my internal struggle demanded complete and total honesty.

“I love you Kimberly…But I never liked women that was always an act, a show to make people believe I was normal. I have always seen myself as a straight woman.”

I was lucky, I think she always knew something along those lines. She smiled and held my hand as I confessed everything to her. My wife has the love of a saint and the loyalty of a Prairie vole, I was lucky to have found her.

But Kimberly on the other hand, was stuck, as a straight woman married to another straight woman (with no working sexual equipment)

And still Kendra, although unintentional, was selfish. Kendra was once again going through puberty. She needed to discover herself all over and that would come by the sacrifice of others. Although not true in even the slightest, she seemed self-centered. Still, those closest to me knew that it was a combination of fear of growing older and insecurity.

I felt, as a transgender woman that if everything was not absolutely perfect, all the way down to my eye-liner to my clothes style, everyone would easily spot I was trans. This, in my very early stages of transition, meant everything.

So let’s recap shall we? Kendra, on the surface, appeared to be a selfish, self-centered girl going through puberty that resembled someone very conceited. Wow, not much selling power there huh?

But those that truly know me know that there is more to this, “charming asshole.” Kendra is sympathetic, where Kenneth had none. Kendra is a fun, outgoing party girl, whereas Kenneth spent all of his free time on the couch watching television. Kendra is affectionate and will look you in the eye regardless of how you feel about her, while Kenneth hated to be touched.

We all have problems, none of us are perfect but even after you are totally honest with yourself (and others) you too will see your finer points the same points your loved ones already see. You deserve the chance to be who you dreamed you should be, no matter what others might think. You deserve to be you and your family and friends will come a long for the ride (If they honestly do love you)

Take it from the charming asshole; never stop being you and most importantly, never be too hard on yourself.

The end result? All the caked-on, hardened bullshit that society put on you will break away and you will be loved.

#Kendra #KC #Review