Naked Men

See, my biggest problem is- I have no boundaries. I love hard and I am honest, especially with the people I care most about, the people I consider as family.

I know that it can be off-putting, maybe it’s part of my “charming ass” syndrome, maybe I like to shock people or maybe I just love people that much, either way, I found myself telling my closest friends of my SPSP condition. (For those that have not followed me to this point it means see penis, suck penis.)

And now, against my better judgement, I found myself making plans to go to Secrets in Washington DC.

Also, Secrets is male strip joint…

Here is the thing… Being innocent in all things men I rightfully assumed that it would be similar to a woman’s strip joint- you know, G-string and topless.

So you might see my problem but if not, let me spell it out for you…

My beautiful, most amazing #2 Jamie…you know the one, the girl that understands me, the girl that is so much like me that I sometimes find myself confusing her for me now knows I have SPSP and we were heading to a place where male genitalia would be at eye level and with me knowing that I have a problem keeping my mouth off of such offers.

Damn, it is really hard keeping things, not so graphic but anyway…

I made a vow to myself before I entered. 1) Do not look to long. 2) Do not make eye contact and 3) Do not touch.

Anyway… It really sucks when you can’t even keep a vow that you make to yourself. I think I failed miserably within the first fifteen minutes I was there.

Still I managed not to break any laws or get handled roughly by the club strongmen, I gotta give myself credit for that; still I did enjoy watching Jamie and Marcie as they began picking out their favorite dancers.

People and their wonderful and beautiful differences. I can count how many men I had an attraction to on one finger, yes one…And it surprised me as much as I have ever been surprised. This guy was built solid, dark, sexy eyes…

And when he took my hand and guided it between his legs and into his groin I melted into a puddle right in front of him. “You have very dangerous eyes.” He whispered to me. “So very sexy.”

Fuck, really? It is bad enough I have to fight myself, now I have to fight his smooth talking words also?

Yea, yea, I know it’s all about the tips and I am sure he is just like the rest of the dancers in the club and had a date with a hot chick lined up after the club closed but you know, it wasn’t about meeting someone. I had long come to the terms with I was NEVER going to meet a man at a gay club, they just have no interest in someone that looks like a woman…moving on…

This was about my knees turning to pudding, this was about challenging myself; using all the information Todd helped me learn about myself and put it to good use. I was better than SPSP.

When my muscle-bound man pulled me closer I pulled away.

Jamie was dancing nearby and noticed I was kind of struggling.

“Oh she is shy…” He said after I put another dollar in my man’s sock.

“No,” Jamie interceded, “I think she is afraid she won’t be able to control herself.”

“And get us thrown out of here by security.” I continued with Jamie’s thought.

And I managed. Even though I broke my vows to myself, I challenged my primordial instincts and I emerged… well let’s just say I didn’t get arrested

And when I left Secret’s I started to think, maybe I will be okay. Maybe the next time Antonio catches me in the grocery store I will be able to say no, if you want me you need to know me. Maybe I just figured out that I am better than that…

Or maybe I just had one too many drinks at the club.

#Marcie #Jamie #Todd #SPSP #Antonio #Men