Oh You Little Slut (Part 3 of 3)

Everyone has their ups and downs; even though I consider myself one of the happiest persons in the world I too get down.

On many occasions I have mentioned how I have found myself felling a little down when I went out as a third, fifth or even seventh wheel. It was on those occasions I found myself envisioning myself alone for the rest of my life.

Sure Kimberly would try to reassure me, “you will never be alone, I am right here.”

But then I would reply, great, wanna have sex with me?” it would always be met with a huff and an “I am not gay.”

Yea Kimberly, I am not gay either.

So I would grab ahold of any compliment I would get and yep, I would even find myself acting a little slutty; so what, I felt like I had nothing to lose.

And then there was Giant boy. What the fuck was I thinking, really? A complete stranger flashing me a smile, hitting me up with a sweet pickup line followed up closely with me leaning across the gear shift with my face in his lap. Yea, I needed Marcie then, I needed that beautiful, wonderful judgmental looks that she sometimes gave me.

But it made me feel whole, it made me feel like a complete woman and for a moment or two I felt like just maybe, I wouldn’t live out the rest of my life alone.

But like any drug, that euphoric feeling would only last so long before the cycle repeated itself.

So I did the wise thing, talked to Todd about the reasons for my SPSP condition (and for those of you that are not in the know it stands for see penis, suck penis) and even though I felt like I was making little to no progress with making me normal I continued to go over it in my head over and over again.

I mean why? My man parts were kind of just facing away and I was slowly losing all interest in my orgasm but there I was doing my best to get laid; for the love of man or could it be for the love of completeness?

So I avoided Antonio (Giant boy) I tried to make sure I could make a clear shot to the store before I proceeded. It wasn’t because I didn’t find him attractive or because I wasn’t interested in sex, no, it was simply because I had no willpower to say no; even if saying no was the right thing to do.

And I learned quickly that Antonio was NOT a man that wanted to get to know me, it was all about sex with him and giving in, well, made me feel weak and it most certainly did not make me feel feminine. So, like I said, I did my best to avoid him.

But avoidance was not in the cards forever. “Hey baby, where you been?” He said before I even noticed he was around.

I signed, feeling myself already beginning to melt. “I have been busy but I have been around.” I replied.

“You been avoiding me sweetheart?” Antonio asked as he followed close behind me.

“No, no, not at all.” I lied “Busy, really, that’s all.”

“Cool, cool, I want to get with you tonight after work.” He said.

I didn’t immediately respond and took a deep breath as I carefully considered what I would say next. “No, not this time.”

“Come on baby, don’t be that way.” He replied as it dawned on him that on some level I was rejecting him.

I stopped walking and turned around to face him. Oh god he was cute. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, sure, anything.” He replied as I maintained eye contact.”

“What’s my name?” I asked

“Kendra, sweet, sweet Kendra.” He responded.

“What’s my last name? Where do I work? Do I have kids?”

I could tell he was uncomfortable with my questions but I think it was the root of both of our problems.

“I thought so, how about you call me and we I can tell you all about me and while we are at it, we can find out about you too.” I said, shrugged my shoulders and walked away.

I felt myself smile. I was alone and there was cock available, all I had to do was go but somehow, someway, I realized I was better than that. Sure, maybe I would never have someone I could call my own, maybe I would have the surgery and I would die a virgin but for that moment in time I felt proud of myself.

I took a deep breath, “You are going to be okay girl.” I said to myself as I continued into the store.

#Antonio #Todd #Relationships #Marcie