The Fall

So I was desperate; I was lonely; I was sad and well you could throw horny in there also and I had to face facts that combination of emotions was going to force me to do some things I didn’t want to do.

So contrary to my better judgement I narrowed down my search for a partner to a couple of men I had been talking to on a popular dating site, bit the bullet and said, “Sure, how about Friday night, we can meet at Freddie’s”

At least I was smart enough to meet at a place I felt comfortable with, a place where I had the protection of my community.

From the start I knew it was going to be a tough weekend right from the start. I had been so addicted to my Marcie and Jamie time that I felt like any infringement on that sacred time slot would be frustrating enough for me that I would take it out on my date but, I had to do what I had to do because I would never get anywhere if I didn’t try.

When I woke up that Friday I found myself tired and dragging. My date was at 7pm and when I glanced at my phone I realized it was already 5:30. I made a quick calculation, an hour to get ready and forty-five minutes to drive to Virginia meant, I was already late.

Yea, I was tempted to just blow him off but at the same time I was determined to change course and make an attempt.

So, I went through my closet and grabbed a couple of things to wear. Ha, yea, if this was a real date I would have probably planned this thing out a little better. I spent five minutes- yes FIVE minutes on my makeup, grabbed my purse and headed out the door.

I watched the clock as I drove, paying attention to every minute that ticked by and when it got to the point when I knew I was going to be more than a half-hour late, I called him. “Hey, this is Kendra, I am on my way, but traffic is a killer and I will probably be late.”

“Okay honey; I am here already I will wait for you.” The man responded.

Oh how I wish I had not called him; he sounded off, I mean like I was going to struggle to have an intelligent conversation with him but, I had made a vow to myself, I needed to be more brave about meeting men otherwise nothing would ever change. “Ok, sorry about this, I hate traffic in this area,” I grumbled, “but I will see you soon.”

“Okay sweetheart.” He responded as I hung up the phone.

At the very least it was Freddie’s and I knew there would be other people there that I knew, other people that would rescue me if things went south so it wasn’t hard for to make the decision to continue.

I turned on the radio, a little more relaxed about being late and my favorite song was playing. Still, just thirty seconds into the song my phone rings. “Kendra, where do you park?” My date asked.

Okay, well there was plenty of places to park out front but okay, maybe it was extra crowded that evening. “There are spots out front but if they are full then around back there should be something, at least I never had a problem finding a place to park.” I said, probably sounding a little frustrated that he was putting his parking problem on me.

“No, no, there are places here but I am not sure how to use the parking meter.” He replied.

For a minute I wasn’t sure I heard what I heard. “Excuse me, my cell must be bad, did you say you don’t know how to use the parking meter?” I asked

“Yes, not sure.” He said rather meekly.

“Around back, there should be something there.”

As I hung up the phone my mind started to race. “Okay, I know that transgender girls shouldn’t be picky, it is hard enough finding a straight man that can deal with all my excess baggage but, really? Oh my god I cannot go through with this, no way, no how.” I thought to myself “I can’t even imagine how all the other girls would react to my rather challenged date.”

So the writer in me came up with the only solution to my problem. “Sweetie…” I said after calling him back. “I just got rear ended, it looks like I won’t be able to make it this time, but I still want to see you can we try again next week?” yea, yea, I had plans for a trip to Williamsburg with my friends but he didn’t know that…

“Sure Kendra it’s okay.” He responded.

I think he said more but my mind had already moved on to after he hung up. And even before the dial tone I was planning on what I was going to do next. I was already in Virginia and I had just cancelled the plans I had for the night so there was really only one thing that I could do next.

“Marcie.” I said, already a bit heartbroken.

“Hey Kendra, how is the date going?” She asked

“I need you Marcie, can I come by?” I replied.

And when I arrived at her apartment and as soon as she opened the door, I grabbed her and hugged her like it was the end of the world.

“Marcie what is wrong with me? Why do I have such a hard time finding a good man?”

When I finally let go of her she guided me into her apartment and poured us a glass of wine. “You will be fine Kendra, drink this and tell me all about it.”

#Marcie #Relationships #Depression