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Disclaimer: This review is based solely on my experiences over the past 18 months. It is not intended to reflect what you might experience. Everyone is different; every country, state and local area is different, laws are different and unfortunately the people are different as well. Please remember if you feel threatened, harassed or your life is in danger, always contact 911.
Businesses
After eighteen months living full time as a woman, aside from my 7-11 disaster, I have always been treated with the utmost respect from people within businesses. And aside from one minor infraction by JC Penny (I am chalking that one to me being lazy and forgetting to shave), the people that I have dealt with have always used my correct pronouns, treated me with kindness and professionalism.
This is not from a small sampling either; we trans girls sometimes can have a bit of a shopping problem and you can count me among the afflicted.
Once again over an 18 month period, I have been miss-gendered once and although I understand that I was lazy with makeup and the razor, the woman still had no reason to make that mistake. As I try to explain to people that I speak to, If the person is in a dress, carrying a purse or wearing makeup, it is okay to assume her or she is the appropriate pronoun (regardless of what anyone says) However once the business person has been corrected (as in the person in the dress asks to be called a he), it is their job to use the correct pronouns.
Continuing with business, this goes for dressing rooms also. I believe the general rule of thumb is, I will take your money, sell you my product, no matter who you are or what you believe. Obviously, that makes for a good business model and a pleasant environment for everyone.
Sadly over the phone business is a bit trickier. Of course this was taking place at the beginning of my transition and at that point I had received absolutely zero voice training or advice. So right from the beginning people have already made a preconceived decision about you, the caller.
In other words, changing my credit cards became a bit more complicated. I am not sure if it was because of the location of some banks corporate offices or, they were being extra careful, or even if they were just being dicks but… there were two credit cards that I could not update or change without sending certified copies of driver’s license, birth certificate, name change order, etc.
While others were handled right over the phone and I would have my new card within 3-5 business days.
Government
This is where a lot of transgender women get a real taste of what it is like to deal with our government. For me, I knew I had to change my documents pretty quickly into my transition and my first experience with it came after my name change was approved through the court.
The problem with dealing with people within the government concerning your identification changes is, they all know you are transgender, period. It does not matter how good you look, how well you pass, they will know because they have your documents in their hand, because they know why you are there.
My first step on my journey was the Social Security Administration. Being that I live in Maryland, I knew that the only way I would be allowed to change my driver’s license to female would be if Social Security had me listed AS female.
So I handed the woman my name change form with the appropriate forms and prepared myself for some sort of embarrassment. Embarrassment that never came. “Okay Miss Goodson, you are all set.” She said as she handed me back my paperwork. “Oh and I love those rings. Where did you get them?”
I was absolutely sure that the Motor Vehicles Administration might be my first real challenge. I had made the mistake of not going to the corporate office prior to my local branch. Of course I had to wait for about an hour and a half before I got the news, “Miss Goodson, you need to go to Glen Burnie first. This has to go through the medical review board before we can change your gender.”
Getting the picture? Even when I got to the corporate office I was treated with respect. You see, the medical panel only met twice a week and the day I was there, was not the day they were scheduled to be there. “Kendra, once the board reads your letters, they will send you a certified approval letter, it should only be a couple of days at most.” The woman at the desk said, “Wait, you know what, hold on a second.”
That kind, sweet woman somehow remembered seeing three of the doctors in the building and she ran around trying to locate them so that I could get my approval letter immediately and her leg work payed off and before I left, I had my approval letter in my hand. “Congratulations Kendra.”
Public
Let me prerequisite this with the fact that I live and work in Maryland and with that said let me say that even though business and governmental employees were for the most part pleasant and courteous, it is the public I enjoy dealing with more than anything else.
I remember back pre-transition, back when I was a big and I mean big, angry man. I remember how there was about a fifty percent chance that the person entering a business directly in front of me would either politely hold the door open for me or allow it close in my face.
That, my friend, ceased completely once I began transition.
I just recently had a “door incident” that gave a cis woman a chance to educate me; I got out of my car and headed toward 7-11. As I neared I noticed that a man, over 500 feet away was ALREADY holding the door for me. As a polite gesture I picked up my pace but I failed miserably on the consideration scale; instead of walking through the door the gentleman was holding open, I pushed the door next to it open and walked through BUT, I did thank him for his kindness.
“I am sorry.” The cis woman said to the man as she followed behind me. “Some women do not know how to be ladies.”
I swear to god, I did not know that was un-lady like. As soon as she said it I turned back toward the man and apologized profusely. I thought, with him busy juggling a couple of bags while he was attempting to awkwardly hold open a door for me, I would make it easier on him just to give him space and avoid him all together.
Wrong choice, I was quickly informed, that is NOT how to be a lady.
I have mentioned this before but I think it is worth mentioning again, if you begin a conversation with me, I am more likely than not, to out myself to you. Yes, I know that some people may think I am breaking a cardinal rule but, I am weird like that.
When I came out at work and I realized how curious everyone was, you know like I was a side show freak (that they care about) and AFTER my coworker said, you know most people have never even seen, let alone talked to someone that is transgender, it stuck with me. For me I felt, if the majority of the general public has never met or spoken with a transgender person, how can I, in good conscience expect them not to be a bit apprehensive. So, I allow myself to be exposed, I allow the questions that most people might find a bit offensive; I let them see I am a good and kind person.
The best part of me outing myself, even to complete strangers was the fact of how shocked they were. Most are kindhearted souls that open up to me in return. They speak to me as if I had given them a great gift when in reality all I did was show them common courtesy.
A power gift that I was given after I came out as being trans was the gift of human contact. I finally see the world as I was meant to see it and even more importantly it allowed me to see the good in people, the natural, inherent beauty everyone was given at birth. It is the people, the public that I deal with on an everyday basis that has allowed me to love…finally
Family
Sometimes family sucks. It doesn’t matter if you are trans or cis, gay or straight, married or single, there is no way around it; family is always your biggest critic but trans, well that’s a whole different level, especially between a trans girl and her mom.
After my dad died, my mom and the rest of the family began to see her as the matriarch and as soon as I told her that I was a woman, as soon as she started to see the changes that I was going through, I believe she started to think she was losing that position.
Yes there was a religious aspect to our relationship but it really does go beyond that.
And my brother, who feels my mother’s pain, needed to be my mom’s support system. He needed her to know that he didn’t agree with my life’s choices, even though he knows deep down I am making no choices, this was done to me the moment the sperm hit the egg.
But I had my kids, there nothing going to shake that bond. They have been there and supported me from the beginning. Strike that, it’s more than support…they are proud, even their friends seem to easily take to me.
So how am I rating people? What is my review saying about the world?
People are everything to me; each are special in their own way. They are adaptable, curious and they are the reason I am alive. I rate people 5 stars with most needing nothing to improve. (Once they get to know you.
