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I know I am a handful; I know I am needy and that I am extremely grateful that you and Jamie put up with me.
I mentioned this, this past Saturday but you completely put me at ease and yes, I have been thinking about it ever since. I thought that me saying I love you may have may have made you uneasy and without missing a beat you replied, “No, not at all.”
That, my sweet, dear Marcie, says everything that needs said about you. You understand me and you care. Thanks to my A.D.D inflicted mind, I am always thinking, always noticing things and I have learned over the years to keep most of my observations to myself because most of the time I am not able to process my observations for days, sometimes week before I make my conclusions.
You are the first one to tell me I am pretty when you think I need to hear it; you are the first to come to my defense when you think I am being attacked. Yes, you may be secretly planning your path to world domination but your heart is bigger than you want people to know.
I remember the first time we spent an evening together as clear as it was happening at this very moment. I was so lost, so confused and you took me by the hand and guided me to safety.
I remember ordering dinner and how I looked up at you as if I was a tiny child needing guidance. I remember how I felt, as if I could rest assured this was not someone that would coddle me; I knew immediately you would tell me how you felt regardless of the outcome. That my sweetheart, is the reason you have, in some ways, became our little groups mother.
I also remember when you asked me back to your apartment. I am not sure if I ever told you this or not but… I felt like a preteen school girl would if she had just been given her first flower. Even though we were in our initial stages of friendship, I had already begun to have much deeper feelings for you than just a casual friend.
Oh and how you made things worse. When you laid your head on my shoulder I felt like I had just fallen deeply in love with you; my stomach felt like it had filled with butterflies, may palms began to sweat but because of who you are and how I felt about you, I knew that the only thing in this life that I wanted was to keep you safe. No one would ever hurt my Marcie, not even me.
I still smile when I think about how you must have already knew this about me without me even saying a word. At that moment in my life I could honestly say that you were the only woman on this earth that could have tempted me into a romantic relationship and then you kissed me.
That cemented my feelings for you.
Marcie, I am one of the most faithful, loyal people you will ever come across. There is nothing you could say, nothing you could ever do to sway my feelings for you. Even if one day you grew tired of me and sent me away, I would be there for you if the you called on me again. If twenty years passed; I would be there if you needed me.
I am crying as I write this because I know that everything I have said in this letter is one hundred percent true.
So Marcie, when I mumble the words “I love you” as I say goodbye to you on the phone or when I hug you farewell. I am not simply saying I love you. I am saying everything that I have said in this letter and just to clarify, I swear before god, I feel these things every time I utter those words.
And as time ticks on, no matter what path we take in life, all I need you to know is that I care, I will be there for you when you need me and that I love you… forever.
Signed with the greatest of admiration and the deepest of love,
Kendra Chelsea
